Brené Brown studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.
1. Ask Evocative Questions – Use Open-Ended Questions
– Why would you want to make this change? (Desire)
– How might you go about it, in order to succeed? (Ability)
– What are the three best reasons for you to do it? (Reasons)
– How important is it for you to make this change? (Need)
– So what do you think you’ll do? (Commitment)
2. Ask for Elaboration
When a change talk theme emerges, ask for more detail:
– In what ways?
– How do you see this happening?
– What have you changed in the past that you can relate to this issue?
3. Ask for Examples
When a change talk theme emerges, ask for specific examples.
– When was the last time that happened?
– Describe a specific example of when this happens.
– What else?
4. Looking Back
Ask about a time before the current concern emerged:
– How have things been better in the past?
– What past events can you recall when things were different?
5. Look Forward
Ask about how the future is viewed:
– What may happen if things continue as they are (status quo).
– If you were 100% successful in making the changes you want, what would be different?
– How would you like your life to be in the future?
6. Query Extremes
Ask about the best and worst case scenarios to elicit additional information:
– What are the worst things that might happen if you don’t make this change?
- What are the best things that might happen if you do make this change?
7. Use Change Rulers
Ask open questions about where the client sees themselves on a scale from 1 – 10.
– On a scale where one is not at all important, and ten is extremely important, how
important (need) is it to you to change _______?
-Follow up: Explain why are you at a ___ and not (lower number)?
– What might happen that could move you from ____ to a _____[higher number]?
– How much you want (desire),
– How confident you are that you could (ability),
– How committed are you to ____ (commitment).
8. Explore Goals and Values
Ask what the person’s guiding values are.
– What do they want in life?
– What values are most important to you? (Using a values card sort can be helpful here).
– How does this behavior fit into your value system?
9. Come Alongside
Explicitly side with the negative (status quo) side of ambivalence.
– Perhaps ____________ is so important to you that you won’t give it up, no matter what
Sitting here thinking of something witty to write about, something that will be meaningful and helpful as a Health and Wellness Coach… and nada. The creative juices are just not flowing. At first I am upset with myself but a very quiet voice speaks up and reminds me to be gentle and loving to myself. It’s been a hard road and my school break has just started, that I need to give it time. That I have to be present and allow things to come in there own time. It’s not an easy concept for even me. I have so much to do and so many ideas that I really don’t know where or when or how to start.
So I move on and update a few other blogs- Hippie Kitchen Wytch with some new recipes and tidbits along with Life’s Wacky Moments with some photographs I have been meaning to post… and just like that they are done, it just flowed. After a few hours of updating those other blogs, I moved on to add some resources to the main site- 5 Elements Coaching. Okay, it feels wonderful with getting “caught up” even through it’s my own thoughts and timeline that make me feel behind…
Well, now back here…….
As I continue to sit at my desk, I can feel myself begin to look outside the window next to my desk. It’s bright with sunlight that is finally shining. If you are on the East coast you know that the sun hasn’t been shining for a few days and it has been semi-cold recently especially for a day in May .. as my thoughts drift and really see what is out there I think of …Motherhood — which is interesting since in the US next weekend is mother’s day. It’s a day or weekend where mother’s are honored, celebrated etc. It’s also a weekend that can be sorrowful because of the lost of a mother or the lost of a relationship that never was… I honor both of those even through my mother is still living and we have a wonderful relationship.. there is a third part of this that I honor– Mother Earth….
Right now, the Earth is bursting with life. The trees and bushes are all leafed out. Flowers are in bloom. Gardens are producing or getting ready to produce fruits and vegetables. Birds and Animals are having babies. Mother Earth is swelling and growing with life. When we honor, Mother Earth, we also honor the human mothers who kept humanity moving forward whether blood or non-blood.
As I write this, in the background I hear my own child– bubbling with life, laughter and love. It warms my heart… even through I may not always have the words or creative juice to post here… sometimes just sitting, being present is all someone really may need.. even for a Health and Wellness Coach….
Being present….this is my main goal in life right now and my decisions will be based on this from now on along with—
I don’t want to wish that I had the courage to be true to myself, instead of living my life based on whats others expect of me…….
I don’t want to wish I hadn’t worked so much
I don’t want to wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
I don’t want to wish I had stayed in touch with friends and family
I don’t want to wish that I had been happier or allowed myself to be happier..
Because I don’t want to have regrets at the end….
From a movie:
“She never seemed to be truly happy; she just seemed to be passing time till she waited for something else. She was tired of just existing; she wanted to live.”
This is so me NOW