2018 in review…

Even for a Health and Wellness Coach almost Nutritionist…life can have it’s ups and downs..

This year has been no different expect the downs have been plentiful for me this year…

The year started with a downward spiral– mom was in and out of the hospital a lot more- than the year prior in a few short months … she was spiraling down with pneumonia/COPD– the pneumonia just won’t go away. At the last visit she was in a coma for a few days…then a week later she was home with a home nurse…. by 05/10/18 her body, mind and spirit just let go of this physical realm. She ended up passing away at home around 2pm… since then I have been grieving and trying to go through the process while still working full time, go to school full time, raise a child and help my spouse who has been disabled since 2011….

Some days I was on automatic and just trying to find my way out of the fog. I still am 7 months and 18 days later… life as I knew it will never be the same. My mom was and still is my best friend. She was my first best friend and even though my spouse is also my best friend…she always was too. I miss her daily.. and will for the rest of my life… sigh.. I know at some point she gave up, she spoke about it and in her last actions of refusing to go back to any hospital was her stand and choice for what came next… she knew… she was in pain and wanted it to end… we talked about it when I took her to her doctor appointments.. of course I begged and pleaded with her not to talk or feel that way…because I love her so…… and at the same time she told me in words and actions that she was just tired.. doesn’t make it hurt less…the hurt is still there … along with the what ifs or what could I have changed or did differently.. or should have done– spent more time with her etc… the list goes on.. and until my last day.. I will never be the same.. it’s a new normal that is forming.. not one I like but one I will live with….she would want me to live the best I can…

In the year we have also celebrated holidays, birthdays, anniversaries….

In July… we decided to continue trying for a 2nd child through IVFs.. since numerous IUIs haven’t worked since 2016… those were difficult  and trying … and yet not the result we were looking for occurred… See I have PCOS and Hashimoto’s disease along with age working against us…

It took us 7.5 years before our miracle child– which no doctor thought I would ever be able to have a child…. now 7.5 years later we thought may be it would have worked by now especially via IVF since IUIs didn’t… and of course it hasn’t. Did this the first 7.5 years too… Highly frustrating and emotionally draining.. and some say we are crazy since still dealing with our lost to continue forward with this.. but I know my mother would have wanted us to continue on and that she would have been mad if we didn’t. She was all for it when we went back to the fertility doctors in 2016 since naturally wasn’t working for us from 2012 to 2016… she was our biggest supporter….

However we are currently on a hiatus from fertility treatments… because we only have one last viable frozen embryo and my insurance will only cover one more IVF… sigh.. We’re still hopeful about this and at the same time realistic– meaning we are lucky enough to have our one child and if that’s all we are deemed to have then so be it… It’s not the way we thought it would go and it’s not a means of giving up…it’s just us being honest to our selves… and even though this path may not be fruitful for us in having a 2nd child… it doesn’t mean it won’t be for someone else… there is always hope ..we still have it…it just may end up being something else for us….it may look like something completely different than what we imaged.. and that’s okay too..

Lastly, we have been working on figuring out how to minimize our lives… we are trying to figure out how to lower our consumerism while also living with less debt and not chasing money …to actually live a life that’s worth something… while also being true to who we are… this started in 2011 when my spouse was in a coma for a week or so… didn’t know if he was going to make it… so when he did ..we made plans.. and those plans of course changed etc.. Well, the plans we started out with has evolved back into a life like we had before he was sick– mortgage, bills etc… and it wasn’t actually the plan we had after he got sick… so we are working on figuring out how to be mortgage and rent free, less bills, less consumerism and more living life with traveling, creating and being a happy family/individuals…we also want to be in the here and now.. We have a game plan and we are working on it since July/August… we have moved forward with a few steps  and we are hoping to put them into further action in the coming year (2019)…. fingers crossed we can… it’s scary the changes we are looking at making but as long as we have each other …we can make these changes happen… Eventually more will be posted about our journey with “minimizing” or downsizing our lives… just not sure how to post about it yet.. it will come to me…

Well, that has been my year… it hasn’t been a bed of roses but at least I have woken up everyday…. it’s at least a start… here’s to 2019… no resolutions…just making changes that work for myself and my family..

Please share your 2018 highs and lows— never know …someone else may just need to know they are not alone with the same or similar trials and errors in life.. because even if you feel alone.. you don’t have to be…

Many blessings,

Linnette

Health and Wellness Coach

5 Elements Coaching

Simple Living Project

PA House

Single family home that contains 1,144 sq ft and was built in 1905. It contains 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom.

Purchased in an Old Coal Town In PA at a repository sale — started process at end of August 2018 and officially approved as of November 9, 2018… we may own the home out right currently but there is a lot of work inside… and this city is trying to rebuild.. here’s hoping they do rebuild as planned and keep the city’s charm at the same time. We’re hoping to be apart of the growth and charm of this city…

This will be our journey with this house… completing it will occur on a minimal budget because we are trying to keep our debt low to none on this house so that when it’s all said and done we haven’t increased our current debt that we are currently trying to dig out of…

End goal is to live a life that is as debt free and as close to minimalist as possible this is one of the steps to that kind of life.

This article resonated with me…may not for everyone..but does speak to my soul…

I’ve Downsized 3 Times In The Past 18 Months. Here’s Why I’m Happier Than Ever – mindbodygreen.com

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-26385/ive-downsized-3-times-in-the-past-18-months-heres-why-im-happier-than-ever.html

New year but what does that really entail…

It’s a new year with lots of renewed goals of weight loss, going to the gym or changing something… you name it! But what does a new year really mean or entail.. broken goals in one, two or three months… It’s a question I ask myself every year as the excitement of the holidays and new year celebrations come around.. I start thinking of all the goals I want to do and be successful at. I get so wrapped up in the moment of the feelings that the new year will be all the joy and dream come trues. That just may be, the crap from the year before will fade away and my slate is truly anew….

But here’s the kicker… do I really want that? Isn’t my life just fine the way it is?? Because if I truly think about it’s just another beautiful glorious day in my life that is the same as the January 1st except the year is different. There is no promise that this year will be any better or the same or different in any way than the last…

See I am still a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, student etc …. It’s up to me on whether or not each day of every year is good or bad…. it’s up to me to live every day as the last because no one is promised tomorrow.. it’s not something that should be done once a year to set my self up for failure in a few months… I don’t have to run out and join the nearest gym just to be financially broke more at the end of the year because I stopped going a month in but still paying the monthly fees.. I can do that any day or month of the year really..

This year I decide to forgo the goal making and just LIVE… I am going to see how things roll along and decide what goal or dream to make a reality while in the moment this year… but I do know this .. I plan to be more in the present– listening to my child talk, laugh more, listening to my spouse and those I hold dear more.. I am going to do the simple things that make life so worth living.. So what is your plan??

I really needed this today….Mindfulness approach for life..

I’ve been having days where I feel like I am spinning my wheels and getting no where… then today a blog I am registered with gave me the following:

A few weeks ago, I was racing out the front door with too many things in my hands and I shut the door. Instantly I knew I didn’t have my keys. Crap. Should I call Brian? I knew that if he came back, he’d be late for an important meeting that he was facilitating. Neighbor? No one has our key. I had an appointment – and I was late.
I sat on the steps for a moment and surprisingly, I started to tear up. “Pull it together, Lisa,” I said to myself. “What’s the big deal?” I said as I started to judge myself.

Isn’t this what we do when these moments of feeling broken arrive in our day, unplanned, and seemingly unprovoked? A word someone says sounds off putting. A gesture your partner makes leaves you feeling “not seen.” You drop off your kiddos at school and you feel a quiet sadness swim across your heart. And you say, “Pull it together?” or “What’s that all about?” But there’s something we can do in those moments of self-judgment…keep reading!

I called Brian. “I’ll race back and open the door,” he said.

But I didn’t want him to race. I’m sick of racing. I don’t want anyone in my family or anyone in this world to have to hurry – to amp up their nervous systems and stress out their adrenal glands.
With my face in my hands, I heard from within me, “I’m holding too much.”
I paused. Yes, I’m holding too much.

How many of us hold too much? Too much trying to get it all perfectly aligned, the kiddos getting along perfectly, a perfect meal schedule for the week? How many of us hold too many commitments? How many of us hold too much of other people’s stuff? How about running around too much?

In the moment I saw I was holding too much, that inner voice, that whisper of deep truth that you can’t deny, rose up from within me and I heard her loud and clear, “Hold only what matters, dear heart. Hold only what matters.”
Hold only what matters.

What matters?

It’s not trying to get it all perfect – sound perfect, cook perfect, parent perfect, have a perfect plan for…everything. It’s not being strong and “pushing through.” It’s not denying these “little griefs” that flood our hearts in the middle of running from one thing to the next. It’s definitely not hurrying.

Hold ONLY what matters.

I didn’t hear “Hold what really matters AND the crap that doesn’t.” I heard , “hold ONLY what matters.”
Sift out the stuff that doesn’t and stop doing it. Or limit it. Get focused on what does matter.

What do I need to hold? What really matters today?

Being true to my own heart. Pausing when my kiddos are around and looking at them. Letting go of old habits of relating, holding back, feeling “I’m in this all alone and it’s all up to me.” Shining – yes, shining. Writing the poetry on my heart. Eating nourishing foods. Making time to talk with my mom. Honoring my body and taking a nap this afternoon. Moving my body. And slowing down.

This is holding only what matters.

That’s a day well spent. That’s a lifetime well spent holding only what matters.

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Dear ones, what if today you decide to “hold only what matters” and get rid of the other stuff?

The first thought might be, “but I can’t! I have to……” But ya know what, we CAN start looking at our lives and saying, “yes, I can.”

There are times when dinner matters – but getting it perfect doesn’t.

There are times when getting the dishes done matters – but doing that ALONG with trying to attend to 8 million others things doesn’t.

There are times when going grocery shopping matters – but doing it at a sprint doesn’t.

Let’s encourage each other to start making more time for holding only what matters – like pausing in our day, quitting the whole multi-tasking thing we are all addicted to, spending time just listening to our hearts, and spend time focused on our dear ones – really seeing them.

Here’s to holding ONLY what matters in YOUR life.
Love,
lisa_sign

P.S. I’m so glad you are here! Welcome to my new website! I hope you feel nourished and resourced. Check out these poetic wrist wraps that I just started offering and mindful mamas all over (right here in Frederick, MD; Oregon, Canada, New York, DC, New Jersey, PA…) are wearing as everyday reminders to focus on what really matters.

http://barefootbarn.com/2014/05/hold-matters/