My Story— Part 1…

For the past year I have been working hard to get my Integrative Coaching business up and running.. but so far it’s  just“hanging” out there. It’s up and running but I still haven’t declared a niche- a specialty. For the past year I have been trying to figure out what my niche is or should be but the end result was looking stretched so thin on the site and in to many directions. With a new year I have decided to begin at the beginning and start with sharing my story as a means to show “you” what my niche or niches are…So here goes.

Since I am beginning at the beginning for my coaching site, I will start with the beginning where I believe my story or one of my niches may actually be…. I could just write that I am an organizer, great with paperwork etc… but those things are related to my attributes. I believe for this I will start with my beginning, the one that started the journey to becoming an Integrative Coach a long time ago….

I didn’t know this journey would take me here…but now that I am sitting here thinking about where to start for “my story-part 1”… this is a good place as any….

I was an ambitious young female that was never going to get married. I was going to be married to my career and my four legged family members were going to be my children. Then it happened, I fall in love. It wasn’t the lightening striking kind of love that comes with knowing as soon as you meet the person. It took time– almost 2 years to be exact to know he was my soulmate and that at some pointing being friends with him I was madly in love. It was a surprise for me because not only did I realize I was “in love” with him but I also realized I wanted children along with the career etc. I was young, strong and thought I could make it all work. However, with everything in life, change occurred within me. I no longer wanted the career but wanted the family aspect more than anything. I wanted to be a stay at home mom… the hardest job in the world. Once married we thought we would be pregnant with no problem. See my sister and friends around us were getting pregnant with no problem so it won’t be an issue for us. I was fairly healthy for a 27 year and he was for a 33 year old. Only issue I had was I could lose 10-20 pounds but other than that there shouldn’t be an issue….Right?? Well, wrong and boy did we learn that…

Because apparently there was an issue. It was fun for the first year but worries and concerns started to set in upon the one year anniversary of marriage and trying for a family that we both wanted to so much. After the one year mark we decided to see a fertility specialist. We went through all the testing which was nail biting to say the least. My husband was sure it was him because he had measles as a child. However, it came back it wasn’t him, he had high counts but overall he was fine. It was ME! That’s when the world that I knew fall out from under me and my whole being stopped. I don’t remember much after that because I was devastated, angry, and saddened to hear that it was me along with what the issue was– Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS.

I thought I was ready for anything but not that apparently. At that moment I thought something died inside of me and that I was less of a woman because I wasn’t working according to what nature and society says a woman should be able to do– create and carry a child. The doctor was positive at first that it was just a matter of figuring out the treatment and that we would be pregnant before we knew it. This was in October 2005….It was hard– at times I was depressed, at other times I would try to push my husband away enough that he would divorce me so he could marry someone else that was a “true” woman and there were other times I just wanted to give up. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster for me and my spouse. He was very supportive but it effected him too.

Between the medicines/shots, appointments after appointments, procedures and phone calls advising it didn’t work again that month– numbness sets in and disappointment etc… We were in the cycle of fertility treatments until April 2010 which at this point the effect on our relationship was showing. We were yelling at each other more than communicating, we weren’t wanting to spend time with one another or friends/family members especially those with children and by this time it felt like we were robots instead of actual human beings.

Furthermore, the doctor wasn’t as positive anymore either. The doctor was suggesting we needed a break and that during the break we needed to re-look at other options along with a much needed vacation. It was a blow but one we took. We knew we needed to re-look at our relationship to see if it was something we could even fix or if we even wanted to… and a vacation sounded wonderful.

About six months later, a twist of fate occurred– I was pregnant. I was pregnant and I carried to full term a beautiful healthy little girl who is my heart to this day and always will be. She will be 5 at her next birthday and we have been trying again since her first birthday…

Infertility or fertility issues are never easy… For this time around there is more to it due to some health issues my spouse has been facing since daughter was 2 months old but we haven’t given up hope that we will be lucky at least one more time… if not we are okay because we have our one miracle.

Only thing I wish that could have been different the first time around and even this time is to have a person with an understanding that could have been contacted to help me through the emotional roller coaster or to help us a a couple or to help us relax etc… Someone who could relate, understand and help … It’s a hard subject to talk about but to know there is or are others that would understand your infertility or fertility issues and could make your journey just a little bit easier would be  worth it…right??

Hence, the reason I believe this is one of my niches.. and if you believe I could help you through your journey– I am here! It’s part of being a Integrative Coach— helping you to create a beautiful life no matter where you are in your journey…

So if you would like a coach that understands the journey due to a similar experience please don’t hesitate to contact me…

There is more to my story and part 2 will be posted shortly…

Blessings,
Linnette Johnson

Certified Integrative Coach

Advertisements