Search

5 Elements Coaching

Certified Integrative Coach

Dealing with the lost of a loved one…

Mom and Linnette 80s(Mom and I– 1980’s)

*******

It’s been almost 2 months since my mother past away at the age of 61– she was my first best friend, my first confident.. she’s the one I fought to help live through the illnesses and pain she endured for the past 10 years… and I miss her terribly everyday… the mourning of her physical being is daily… doesn’t stop..not even in sleep..

They say that grief and loss has stages– and yes there are many of them…

1. Denial and isolation;

2. Anger;

3. Bargaining;

4. Depression;

5. Acceptance.

And no… People don’t grieve in that order and each person will experience grief and loss differently…  which can make the process feel so lonely…

I know in the cycle of life a parent is suppose to go before their child.. and even with that said you can never truly be ready for it…

I just wish I had a few more years.. I wish she wasn’t in pain and the illnesses didn’t come for her.. that life was kinder and easier for my mother… that she was older when death came for her while she slept peacefully.. it would have been kinder to a person that was so loving, giving and wonderful.. it was the least she deserved… because she deserved so much more…

A love between a mother and a child is FOREVER. She will always be in my heart and I will always see her in me … in my child… just not her anymore…

People keep asking me how I’m doing, and I’m not always sure how to answer that. It depends on the day. It depends on the minute. Right this moment, I’m not okay… it’s a holiday and it’s quiet without her. Yesterday, was better for me and well, tomorrow, isn’t here yet so we’ll see. Most the time I just say I’m lucky I have pants on… cause believe me there are days I feel the “fog” around me so thick that I just don’t think I will be able to breath..so I just muddle my way through and am thankful I didn’t leave the house naked…

See I thought I knew Grief through the lost of our family furry four legged children.. and yes those moments of loss were very hard…. and still I have learned even more about Grief through this lost than I thought was even imaginable…  because Grief is different for every experience in life. It is a force that cannot be controlled or predicted. It comes and goes on its own time table with no rhythm of reason. Grief does not stop when you have plans or life obligations. Grief comes whenever, however and how often it wants to– in the middle of sleep, at the food store etc. and it’s heartbreaking to the point where normal everyday function wants to cease but I push forward…

All I know is that I hope where ever mom is.. she’s proud of me and watching over us.. that she is no longer in pain or bothered by illnesses. I won’t claim to know where she is because that’s not for me to know yet… I do hope one day that we will meet again at a grand table in the summer lands with the rest of those I love… until then I will love my mother forever….

Much love during a time of grief..

Lexie

5 Elements Health Coach..

 

 

Advertisements

Health & Wellness Coaching…

Health & Wellness Coaching is–

Goal oriented and driven by YOU

Support to help YOU reach your goals

Holistic– Health and Wellness focused for YOU

Big picture focused by YOU

Two-way relationship between YOU and coach

Tailored to YOU

Health & Wellness Coaching is NOT–

Prescriptive

Medical Advise or Therapy

Focused solely on Nutrition and fitness

Being told what to do

One size fits all

 

cropped-yogawomansilhouette-850x567.jpg

 

Why vulnerability is absolutely essential… by Brene’ Brown

Brené Brown studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

Ten Strategies for Evoking Change Talk

1. Ask Evocative Questions – Use Open-Ended Questions
Examples:
– Why would you want to make this change? (Desire)
– How might you go about it, in order to succeed? (Ability)
– What are the three best reasons for you to do it? (Reasons)
– How important is it for you to make this change? (Need)
– So what do you think you’ll do? (Commitment)

2. Ask for Elaboration
When a change talk theme emerges, ask for more detail:

– In what ways?

– How do you see this happening?

– What have you changed in the past that you can relate to this issue?

3. Ask for Examples
When a change talk theme emerges, ask for specific examples.

– When was the last time that happened?

– Describe a specific example of when this happens.

– What else?

4. Looking Back
Ask about a time before the current concern emerged:

– How have things been better in the past?

– What past events can you recall when things were different?

5. Look Forward
Ask about how the future is viewed:

– What may happen if things continue as they are (status quo).

– If you were 100% successful in making the changes you want, what would be different?

– How would you like your life to be in the future?

6. Query Extremes

Ask about the best and worst case scenarios to elicit additional information:
– What are the worst things that might happen if you don’t make this change?

  • What are the best things that might happen if you do make this change?

7. Use Change Rulers
Ask open questions about where the client sees themselves on a scale from 1 – 10.

– On a scale where one is not at all important, and ten is extremely important, how

important (need) is it to you to change _______?

-Follow up: Explain why are you at a ___ and not (lower number)?

– What might happen that could move you from ____ to a _____[higher number]?

– How much you want (desire),

– How confident you are that you could (ability),

– How committed are you to ____ (commitment).

8. Explore Goals and Values
Ask what the person’s guiding values are.

– What do they want in life?

– What values are most important to you? (Using a values card sort can be helpful here).

– How does this behavior fit into your value system?

– What ways does ________ (the behavior) conflict with your value system

9. Come Alongside
Explicitly side with the negative (status quo) side of ambivalence.

– Perhaps ____________ is so important to you that you won’t give it up, no matter what

the cost.

 

Watch “A rich life with less stuff | The Minimalists | TEDxWhitefish” on YouTube

Day of Motherhood..

Sitting here thinking of something witty to write about, something that will be meaningful and helpful as a Health and Wellness Coach… and nada. The creative juices are just not flowing. At first I am upset with myself but a very quiet voice speaks up and reminds me to be gentle and loving to myself. It’s been a hard road and my school break has just started, that I need to give it time. That I have to be present and allow things to come in there own time. It’s not an easy concept for even me. I have so much to do and so many ideas that I really don’t know where or when or how to start.

So I move on and update a few other blogs- Hippie Kitchen Wytch with some new recipes and tidbits along with Life’s Wacky Moments with some photographs I have been meaning to post… and just like that they are done, it just flowed. After a few hours of updating those other blogs, I moved on to add some resources to the main site- 5 Elements Coaching. Okay, it feels wonderful with getting “caught up” even through it’s my own thoughts and timeline that make me feel behind…

Well, now back here…….

As I continue to sit at my desk, I can feel myself begin to look outside the window next to my desk. It’s bright with sunlight that is finally shining. If you are on the East coast you know that the sun hasn’t been shining for a few days and it has been semi-cold recently especially for a day in May .. as my thoughts drift and really see what is out there I think of  …Motherhood — which is interesting since in the US next weekend is mother’s day. It’s a day or weekend where mother’s are honored, celebrated etc. It’s also a weekend that can be sorrowful because of the lost of a mother or the lost of a relationship that never was… I honor both of those even through my mother is still living and we have a wonderful relationship.. there is a third part of this that I honor– Mother Earth….

Right now, the Earth is bursting with life. The trees and bushes are all leafed out. Flowers are in bloom. Gardens are producing or getting ready to produce fruits and vegetables. Birds and Animals are having babies. Mother Earth is swelling and growing with life. When we honor, Mother Earth, we also honor the human mothers who kept humanity moving forward whether blood or non-blood.

As I write this, in the background I hear my own child– bubbling with life, laughter and love. It warms my heart… even through I may not always have the words or creative juice to post here… sometimes just sitting, being present is all someone really may need.. even for a Health and Wellness Coach….

 

Life

Being present….this is my main goal in life right now and my decisions will be based on this from now on along with— 

I don’t want to wish that I had the courage to be true to myself, instead of  living my life based on whats others expect of me…….

I don’t want to wish I hadn’t worked so much

I don’t want to wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings

I don’t want to wish I had stayed in touch with friends and family

I don’t want to wish that I had been happier or allowed myself to be happier..

Because I don’t want to have regrets at the end….

From a movie: 

“She never seemed to be truly happy; she just seemed to be passing time till she waited for something else. She was tired of just existing; she wanted to live.”

Cecelia Ahern

This is so me NOW

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent several years caring for patients during the last 12 weeks of their lives, routinely asked her patients about “any regrets they had or anything they would do differently.”

How about you?? Which one would you be wishing you had done or would it be all of them like me??  Then what or how do you change life so you aren’t wishing one or all these are “wishes” at the end?

Well, since finding these I have been making lists of things I can do to achieve them… some of them are hard because it requires more digging within one self such as the 1st one on the list  — whom am I?? If I don’t know who I am then how do I live true to my self?? Of how can I go about achieve them without losing the financial security of a roof, food etc.

It’s interesting how a list such as above can be so thought provoking..

What are your thoughts?? Are you living to the fullest, truest aspect of yourself??

 

 

Quote…

​”Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: ‘What are you doing for others?'”

– Dr. Martin Luther King Jr 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: